Ultimate Fighter Thoughts: Season 10, Episode 5

Team Rampage is cursed. Either that or there's something to be said for a leader's ability to assemble a team and make it work. Yeah, it's probably the latter. This week's show was rife with crybabies, weirdos and 80's references. It was like an episode from Bizarroworld.

So, let's get right to it and get it outta the way. PTN, thought bullets:

• We start with Matt Mitrione griping about his shoulder and asking his coach if he can have a cortisone shot. I'm glad they aired this segment for practical reasons. It shows how vastly different this sport is from more conventional sports where such things are not only condoned but encouraged. Masking the pain will not eliminate it, and Rashad walks away with another reason to be wary of Matt.

• Hearing Rashad call Matt a meathead made me smile. How Archie Bunker of you, Sugar.

• Did I just call Rashad "Sugar?" I need a drink.

• Rashad and his coaches are filling in big Marcus that he may be the next fight. Marcus is all lit up like a third string quarterback getting put in the game at last. You know this can't end well.

• The focus this week seems to be put largely on Zak, the last pick who almost got ousted for the cameraman. Even his own coach says all he's got going for him are being a big guy and his wrestling. Yikes. Way to motivate your fighters, Lombardi...

• Zak shows a lot of frustration during Rampage's wall walking instruction. He keeps on saying "I can't" like that scared kid at the playground who's made it to the top of the slide but is too nervous to go down. The only things missing are the shakes and tears. If you really can't, you're pretty much shit out of luck in a fight.

• Next we get our first real dialogue from Wes Sims since the season premiere. It's not pretty as he accuses Zak of leaving his "Jensens" in the shower. Zak admits to blowing his nose but consistently denies using the hammerfist on his johnson. I can't believe I'm typing this.

• If he did, at least it wasn't all over a sushi platter. Painful memories from season 8...

• Remember, "Wes Sims never lets the truth get in the way of a good story." I'm just sayin'...

• Rampage says he wouldn't be embarrassed about spanking it in the shower. "Don't slip on it." I guess I'm kinda glad I don't live in the Jackson household...

• Matt continually reinforces his crybaby attitude, or as Rashad calls him, a "drama king." Watching him stand by himself in a ring throwing punches and kicks like a Muay Thai amputee was fairly amusing, especially given his cellophane cast.

• I like Rashad's coach's response to Matt's ongoing antics... ten push-ups--sore shoulder and all--each time he whines. Evans is clearly concerned about his team's sweep. Apparently, the only soft thing he wants on his team is Roy Nelson's gut.

• Scary moment during Team Rampage's session which leads to Zak blacking out in a Wes Sims triangle choke. It's not seen clearly through the camera lens what exactly happened, but the mic clearly picks up the snoring that occurs when trying to breathe through the nose is obstructed. I've heard that sound a couple of times while rolling, even made it myself. But never that loud. I've never seen someone black out from a choke... it's a common rule taught to all grapplers: when you're training, you tap before it gets too much. Same rule applies for a fight. Why endanger your health? It's even stupider during a training session. Zak doesn't look like Team Rampage's greatest hope for a rebound, that's for sure.

• An even scarier thought occurs to me at this moment... with all the focus being put on Zak and Matt this week, are these two duds destined to fight? Sweet Jesus Christ...

• Matt is shown grappling and moving around just fine. My first thought is, "shoulder injury my ass." Mike Van Arsdale speaks with disdain about Matt's "owie," and reinforces it my showing his permanently maligned right shoulder. Goddamn, that looks awful... If there was any hope of Matt receiving sympathy from his coaches or viewers, it went up in smoke with Mike's showing of skin.

• Rashad flat out tells Matt he can't ice his shoulder before drills. I'm liking him more and more as a coach.

• I'm sitting here in bewilderment while Matt literally references He-Man and the Masters of the Universe action figures. What did I just hear? So apparently he played toy surgeon as a child like that warped neighbor in Toy Story, putting Ram-Man's arm on someone else's frame.

• Dude just said he wanted Cringer's arm. Then reneged and said he'd prefer Battle Cat's. Wow. If he wasn't such a toolkit in training sessions, I might actually like the kid.

• Back at the house, Zak is still a target of verbal jabs. Of all people, Kimbo tells him to just laugh it off. Kimbo Slice, voice of reason. Then again, if anyone in the house is used to criticism, it'd be him.

• At the fight announcement, Rashad gleams with evil as he picks the fight. I could see him twirling a Snidely Whiplash mustache at this point. He goes and picks Justin Wren to take on Wes Sims. Marcus looks like he just got laid off. Rashad tries to console "big baby," but big man is pissed. The show seems to be angling that he'll defy some odds and really get aggressive in the cage.

• Back in the house, Kimbo continues to go on about getting another shot on the show. You know these type of conversations had to take place ad nauseum, but let's face it: if it doesn't happen down the line, why show Kimbo mentioning it every other episode?

• God hates us all when Justin and Sims weigh in. I refuse to comment further.

• Justin is an accomplished wrestler, but Wes does have a lot more experience. Thing is, he doesn't have the brains to complement that tenure as a fighter.

• The fight begins, and the folks at Hammerhouse have to be cringing as Wes gets taken town with ease. Team Rampage again shows its total lack of a ground game as Justin passes Wes's guard into full mount and an arm triangle. In a touch of irony, Wes refuses to tap, much like Zak did earlier to Wes's own triangle choke. Herb Dean begins raising Wes's hand to see where he's at... and Goddamn, that is one super-tight choke. Rampage yells for Wes to get out... OK, how, genius? The man's not breathing. Wes pulls a Zak and passes out. The streak continues...

• Rampage references the golden era of the WWF when Hulk Hogan would be caught in a sleeper hold and the ref would raise his arm to check on him. He was hoping for Wes's hand to shoot up on the third drop and result in a big time "Hulk Up." No such luck.

• Wes Sims isn't referring to himself in the third person anymore. This guy belongs on The Real World. Not TUF.

• Rampage again doesn't get in the cage afterward. Wow... Rashad tries to help up Sims who brushes off the advances. Another Rashad/Rampage confrontation leads to Evans calling out Rampage for his refusal to get in the cage after these losses. Rashad calls Rampage "selfish," and for once, Jackson has nothing to say in response.

Well, this is a lofty claim, but Wes Sims officially offered up the worst performance on Team Rampage thus far. There, I said it. Sure, Shivers was unable to keep his wind, but at least he never went down that bad. Even Kimbo lasted a full round before losing by LTKO. That was just sad. Even sadder is Rampage's continuing decline as a coach and likable human being.

Next week, it appears Kimbo gets his big break. And Darrill finally goes ballistic over the titty jokes. Oh boy...